Today, I write about acceptance because of last nights All-In Men’s AA meeting. I was the chairman for the month of February 2021 and the chairman’s job is to find speakers to give the 10 minute lead for the meeting. Often times the chairperson collaborates with the speaker and they come up with a topic together for the meeting. Yesterday, I thought it would be nice to hear from Richard.
Richard had come back to our meeting the following Tuesday and during his share, he told the group about how he was going to massive about of stress, powerlessness, and fear. He explained, almost in a tearful way, about how his wife gave birth to their child around Christmas but they have not been able to take him home from the hospital because he was born premature. He has been in the ICU NIC Unit since he was born and they can only go see him one person at a time, per hospital rules.
I was blown away at his ability to accept things that he cannot change. I was even more impressed by his determination to not drink or drug over the such a major event. He shared about the loneliness of being the only person in the hallway while his wife and baby are back in the operating room having surgery. That sense of powerlessness rang home with me as I experienced a similar event. When Meagan had back surgery about three weeks ago, I found myself in the lobby broken, powerless, lonely, crying out during the 8am Men’s Zoom meeting expressing my fear.
I was in fear that my wife would be paralyzed from the back surgery. I cried how I just wanted a hug from my mom. I cried how there was nothing that I could do to help the situation. Covid prevented anyone from being with me in the lobby, and truly that was ok. I took the day off from work so that I could be present. I am off of social media. I’m not looking at porn. I’m not drinking or drugging… I was just left with my feelings. Each and everyone of them.
I called my sponsor and he prayed for me and my wife. He prayed for the surgeons and the attending staff. He prayed God’s will over the whole event. I had to accept things that I couldn’t change. I had to turn over this event to the hands of my Higher Power. There was absolutly nothing that I could do in that moment but surrender, show my powerlessness and ask for God’s Will to be shown to me.
I have been learning alot about acceptance more and more in recovery. I am learning to accept:
- When a coworker leaves the company that I can’t control what he goes around and tells everyone.
- When I ask a coworker to call a client (Mr. Kennedy) and the coworker still hasn’t called him 6 day after the request…but then I call him and he is out fishing on a Tuesday afternoon. I can’t change that. I have to accept that
- When a coworker tells me at the end of a call that “I’m running thin on work. I need more work.” Yet, he practically refuses help from me and the marketing team with writing a blog. Saying “I don’t write like that. It seems forced.” I must accept that I can’t force them to write blogs…but I also, don’t have to listen to them try and put the blame on me for not getting them work.
- When a coworker over-reacts about us posting a blog of his on social media. I must accept that he is living in total fear or Iranian or the Arabs…or whomever might harm him. I have to accept his fear and figure out a way to market him outside of social media.
- When my wife doesn’t want to bring home receipts from stores like Target where I’m trying to categorize the expenses out. I must accept that this change in behavior is not exciting, nor fun, but work to share with her the goal and importance behind breaking out food vs non-food items out of our grocery category. (first world problems, I know)
- When my mom wants to call and tell me about her problems with my sister and what the stress is doing to her. I must accept that, but I can establish boundaries and vocalize them with her.
- When I continue to get letters in the mail from creditors, even after three years of determining that I’m not going to pay them. That the debt is “dead business debt” from the solar days and I have closed that business and accepted the loss. I am so grateful today that our networth is just above $180,000, considering that I was over a half a million in debt before recovery with lines of credit, credit cards, a huge house bill, car loans, personal loans…you name it. I accepted this loss and am so grateful that it caused me to get into DA and take responsibility for my actions. We are planning to have our prudent reserve account of $30,000 fully funded by our goal of March 1st. What a blessing.