Happiness is the goal now. I really got myself in trouble in the past when I tried to find happiness in so many different things. When I had a solar business, I believe I jumped in feet first because the sales pitch from the solar recruiters came at a time when I was not happy at my job at that time. Thinking that money would make me happy, I chased the money.
Later when I needed to escape from the stress and unhappiness in my life that come from chasing money, I thought that happiness could be found in drugs or in strong cocktails.
Happiness, or the lack there of, tends to reveal itself and the truth comes out. It is real hard to fake being happy.
I wasn’t happy with myself. I had strayed away from any kind of spiritual direction. I stopped relying on a Higher Power. I just got up super early, took my perscription of Adderall, Zanex, smoked some weed. drank something strong. Many days, I over worked and found relief in that, sometimes bragging that I was a “workaholic”…like it was something others should be jealous of.
My life was so out of balance, working 90+ hours a week, not working out, eating crap every meal, sometimes finding happiness for the moment in porn and unpure things. This my friend creates serious guilt, shame and remorse that is created a downward spiral in my life.
Until I surrendered and realized that my addictions to so many things had gotten my life so far out of balance and that I was honestly unhappy with myself, I wasn’t able to hear anything or anyone who tried to help.
Today, I find happiness in the little things. I am working daily to document what I am grateful for by writing a daily gratitude list and texting it to my accountability partner.
Today, I find happiness in abstinence from all things mind altering.
Today, I find happiness in putting my daughter to bed, eating dinner with my family, working out and taking care of my physical health.
Today, I find happiness in not eating obvious sugars like cake, candy or icecream and have done so for 1 year and 9 days today. As hard as that might be, I have successfully, just for today, slayed the sugar dragon.
Today, I find happiness in setting my alarm for 3:55am each morning and getting up to get on my knees, surrender the day today asking to do God’s will, not mine. I find happiness in morning meditation at 4am for a minimum of 5 mins, then I read a minimum of a page in about 9 or 10 different books that provide nourishment and help me “sharpen the saw.”
Today, I find happiness in “the numbers” and realize that God is in the numbers. I have a morning routine of tracking my daily spending and income and tracking our networth. This makes me happiness.
Today, I am truly happy and think I’ll keep doing these things to take care of my inner happiness and not try to find some drug or drink or piece of paper (i.e. money) to make me happy. This reboot in life was worth the withdraw and all of the sacrifices todate. “I’ll keep coming back,” as they say.
