9/27/21 Last night I had my 5th PRG with two men that are both old-timers in multiple programs that I attend. It was as great as the PRGs all have been in the past. These were some highlights. Before I get into the highlights, I must admit that I was not super excited to get on the PRG meeting. In fact, I thought about canceling it a few times. I felt as though I didn’t deserve the PRG because I had not made much progress in paying off any of my old debt. However, as you will see, everything seems to be progressing along in due order.
The first note that I have written down in my journal from the meeting was from when one of them told me, “It’s about moving from the me to the we,… and that that includes the IRS.” This was his comment after just the first part of our meeting.
Each PRG, we always open with the serenity prayer. After the prayer, I then give a gratitude. I share something that I’m grateful for that happened since the last PRG.
I was happy to report that Meagan and I had just recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary and we went on a solvent trip to Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia for four days and three nights. We spent a little over $3,000 on the trip and did it all from money we had saved. We didn’t have to debt at all to make it happen.
You see, we were due for a nice vacation, just the two of us. It was special because Meagan had been wanting to check out this venue because she is a high-end wedding planner, and this place is perfect for a destination wedding. While we were there, we did do activities that helped her business. We took a side trip to go into their small, but elegant chapel, we toured the florist department, we spoke with staff about wedding and event pricing, we tried out the spa by getting a one-hour massage, and we even ordered room service on the last morning and had a wonderful breakfast in our room together.
At the end of the trip, the tax question in my mind was weighing pretty heavily. How much of this is a business write off and how much is personal expenses. Another challenge that I faced is that I really wanted to spend for the trip out of our travel savings fund which we had stocked up with $7000 for the last year or so.
We bought everything on her business debit card so that we could try and write off as much as possible. The victory is that I shared about this question in this meeting and the idea came to me to consult with our tax accountant. I sent her the receipt from the trip which had all the charges listed as well as a list of activities that we did to help my wife’s business while we were there.
It didn’t take the tax accountant very long to break out which were business, and which were personal. She was able to tell me to write a check from our personal travel fund for around $1100 to reimburse my wife’s business account for personal expenses from the $3000 trip. So that is wonderful news! Most of the trip was actually a legit business expense. I feel like I am doing the right thing here and not screwing the government. At the same time, I’m not debting my family by absorbing all of those expenses when we actually did do business. The old Matt would have vaguely attempted to write off the entire trip, which would most likely have caused a red flag in the end of the year books for her business. This is the best way to go about it. It was a win-win-win.
My PRG person’s comment of “its about moving from the me to the we, and that includes the IRS”…I thought that was perfect. They were proud of me for that and didn’t rush off that gratitude. They commented how most people when they come into DA haven’t had a nice, abundant vacation in years, if not decades…so great work! They said that was is most impressive was that I WANTED to do the right thing when it came to taxes and record keeping. That is huge, they said.
We shifted into the conversation about the debt that I owe people. I shared my pressures next. My pressures were that I finally got up the nerve to talk to Meagan about my thought and desire to start paying off some of the old dead solar business debts from 4 or 5 years ago.
Before I brought it up to my wife, I prayed about 3 or 4 times before going to talk to her about it. I was trying to be open and honest. I didn’t come in to the conversation with all the answers, nor was I even leaning toward one or the other…to pay or not to pay the debt.
I shared that I just feel like I have been sober now for 3 and ½ years, I’m making a steady salary, I’ve been solvent for well over 2 years now. I told her that spiritually and mentally, it was weighing on me to deal with these old debts. She was thinking that I needed to move on from that stinkin’ thinking. “Those were debts from 4 to 5 years ago!” she said.
You see, Meagan and I paid off $68,000 in credit card and Dept of Treasury debt in a hard driving 15 months. That debt was all from my doing, but the difference was that all that $68,000 had HER name tied to the accounts. Some were in both of our names, but either way, we were able to protect her credit.
I, on the other hand, lost my high credit score because of my debting behavior. I mourned the loss of my credit for a while. I grieved that like I had lost a loved one. But what was done, was done. I needed to move on. If I got solvent and got my act together, without filing bankruptcy, then in about 7 years, those debts would fall off and I could move on. A few of those creditors also have leans on our home which will go away after 10 years. But for now, that loss of credit is a result of my addiction…and I’m okay with that today.
My PRG folks wanted to make clear that it doesn’t matter the amount that I pay these debts. Even the smallest amount, it’s a step in the right direction. Just taking action, it is taking faith. Faith that my higher power will provide for me if I take care of making my wrongs from the past as right as I can make them. “They will cash the check for .25” but mor importantly, everything will shift for me when I start taking the action of paying them.
We discussed the idea of calling some of them and making and offer and compromise to be done with it. It was noted that I should consult with my attorney because we need to be perfectly clear of how to handle each of these. There might be some that when you reach out and make a payment, they can reenact old interest charges and other fees.
I was told that I need to discuss with my lawyer to optimize the legal protection of our system. Tell him that I want to “reconcile these old debts without risking a bigger problem.” Tell him the I need help and clarity around the laws. With clarity and his help, I can make the right decision. They wanted me to be clear that they were not sitting on some high horse telling me that morally I need to pay all fo these debts. That was not the case. They just said that I needed to get clarity and make the right decision after discussing everything with my spouse and attorney. I was advised to tell the attorney that I would like a full billable hour of his time to really go through everything and weigh all our options.
They also saw that I just put $1100 into maintenance repairs on my 2007 Tahoe. It was suggested that I do my due diligence around getting a vehicle upgrade for myself. There comes a point when I am just trying money down the drain because I’d be putting more money into it than what I will ever get out of the vehicle.
Towards the end of the PRG, one of the guys made a point in saying that I should be recognized for talking about all of this with my partner. Having intimacy and connection around finances is what this program is all about. “Everything feels better when its real, not just some fantasy in my head.” Having the numbers in the spreadsheets like I have them is real, I can see them. Having a conversation about how I feel about money and old debt with my partner is real. She told me that she loved me and appreciated me telling her how I felt. I’m bookending that I am going to talk with our attorney this week or at least try to set up an appointment with him.
