Today, I heard someone share this thought and it blew me away. I think he might be on to something. The topic came up about guilt and how living in guilt would destroy us and tear us down. Russ said, “You know, If anger is carried out in the moment and resentment is thinking in the past; then shame would be in the moment and guilt would be thinking about something from the past.”
I had to immediately stop, pull out my phone and text that to me. WOW! What a concept. We need to deal with our guilt the same way as we deal with our resentments. We need to look at our part in the situations and not regret what happened. I need to find a way to amend the situation if it will not cause harm to that other person.
Anger and shame, however, are feelings that we feel in the moment. These are feelings that can be drastically improved or changed by practicing steps like W.A.I.T. and Pause, Pause, Pause. I am an impulsive person. This is a character defect, but it is also one of my greatest assets. In situations of anger or shame, if I simply remember, W.A.I.T. (Why Am I Talking) and then remember to not say the first thing that comes to mind, but to pause before I respond to a text, email or to someone’s face. I can change my whole day for the better.
